I remember a long time ago, reading a book called a road less traveled.  The opening line went something like this “Life is hard. Once you accept this to be the truth, it is not as hard anymore”. This is paraphrasing, but the point is that in the acceptance and surrender, there is a peace and happiness.  I think so much of the time, we are striving and reaching for this elusive thing called happiness, that we miss the small moments that could actually bring us happiness.  My whole life I’ve believed that happiness is this thing you have everyday, if you can achieve it. Its this “high” feeling, that crazy happy feeling you only get once in a while.  In a way its like being a heroine addict. You get one hit of happiness, and you want it all the time, but I’ve realized thats not how it works. Yes, there are those crazy happy moments, like the birth of your children, or your wedding day, or just one of those rare days when everything just works perfectly. But those are rare. That’s why they feel that way. If they happened everyday, that wouldn’t feel that great! Real happiness, it finding a nice peace and serenity in the middle ground.

For myself, I think I need to stop trying so hard, stop wanting so much, being content with just they way things are today.  I want to be more secure with the idea that today is exactly as it should be, and not try to force it to be more then that. I recently heard someone say that you need to surrendor to God.  That doesn’t mean you stop trying and that God will now make your commands come true, but that things will happen the way God wants them to.  I have a hard time with that concept, but I am trying to learn to let go of some of the control.  Maybe when I do I will be truly happy…