Well, I am experiencing one of the things that I’ve been told is going to happen. I feel over whelmed and feel like giving up. Not the “I don’t want to go on with life” give up, the “I seems like it would be easier to go back to my unhappy marriage” give up. I keep trying the things that worked before, but this time I can’t seem to get my self out of my slump. I went on to other forums like loveshack.org, but all I saw was people telling their sad stories about how their spouse cheated and lied for years, or how one of the people took everything with out a word. I felt like I was reading the lyrics to some sad old country song. Thats not what I’m looking for. I want to know how to have a good divorce. One where both people realize that its just not working, that they are just not happy. One where both parties realize they have tried long enough and they are just tired of being unhappy and its time to move forward. I’ve found that life is so finite, and I don’t want to waste anymore time being unhappy. So, I’ve moved on, but still don’t feel much better. My friend said the first year is hard. There will be times when life feels great, and other times that feel miserable, but that in one year time you will feel better? Is that true?
Well, I’ve decided to go, even with all the hurdles. For once in my life I need to finish what I’ve started. So I’m going across country to try to start a new life. I am suppose to leave in 2 days and have so much to do on my list. Today I literally thought I might have a heart attack from the stress and pressure. I just know that one day I will look back on this and think how awesome it was that I pushed through all this pain and got to this great spot. Its just hard seeing that light in the tunnel when its pitch black. I don’t have anyone to talk to. Thank God for my friend Shelia, she is about a year into her divorce experiment/experience, so she is starting to feel better, as if there is an end. She is the one who can understand what I am going through. I think I might seek out some support groups when I arrive to my new destination.
Well my family (brother, sister and law and their son) came to visit this weekend. I knew I wasn’t in a place mentally to handle this, but come they did. I will start by saying that I know that their intentions where “good”. But the weekend was spent basically telling me that I’m a victim, that I perceive others comments in a twisted light, that I exaggerate the retelling of situations. When I started to cry, I was told that “there I go again being a victim”. I told my sister in-law that maybe I just needed to get to a place to process it all, but that wasn’t good enough. She said well you should be able to take it. REally cause I would love to see her endure 3 days of being told everything that is wrong with their personality, some true, some not, and not be upset. I know for a fact she would have been in tears. Thats the part about family that really sucks, especially extented family. They only see you how they want to see you… how you best fit into the mold of your family dynamic. I’ve changed so much this last year. I’ve gained soooo much strength, but none of them can see it. I’ve found the power to leave my unhappy life. To leave a great paying job with a great company (but one that did not stoke my fire or offer me any passion). And yet they only see me as a wee person. They couldn’t understand why I have cut off communications with my sister. They said I was taking things out of context. Well context or not, she always makes me feel shitty. After the crap with my mom this week, and now them, I think I’m just done with the family for now.
Well, once again the hubby is drunk. It has been a downward spiral for the last year and a half. He has always been a drinker, but not a drunk until then. Now he is out of control. He’s not a mean drunk, hes actually kinda funny. But its gotten really old and dangerous. I don’t trust him with our kids. He is toasted all the time. I’m actually surprised hes held down his job. I guess he is what is called a functioning drunk. He works, but then comes home and gets drunk. It use to be a drink or two to take the edge off, now its alot. I don’t even know how much because he hides it from me. He denies he is even drinking and is too drunk and stupid to know that we all know how drunk he is. Then when he wakes up in the morning he is a total jerk to me and the kids. In addtition he has started to get reckless. He has driven the kids in the car twice now when hes been drinking. I can’t allow him to get visitation when he is in this state. I don’t want the kids to lose their father, but he is not a father at this point. I’ve asked him to get help, but he won’t. He won’t even admit he has a problem. I am suppose to leave tomorrow. Of course that got blow apart by my mother. SO now I am trying to form another plan to move out of state with the kids. Its tough with no money, no job and no help. I want to go – no I need to go, but how??? I wish I had some help!
well no matter what I thought on this journey, 1 year in the making (as far as planning goes) and 3 days before I am suppose to leave it all just falls apart. My mother backed out on all of her committments. Everyone who for all these years has said they would be there for me, is not! I though when someone gave you their word, it meant something. Clearly that is not the case. ASo now where? My house is packed, stuff is put in the storage unit. I have told my child what exactly was going to happen, and now none of it is. I am left with out a place to stay, and o support system. How am I suppose to do this. I feel crushed and defeated. How do you pick up and go on? Where do you go on to?
I wanted to write a blog that allows us to come together and share experiences that make divorce a little better. Over the years I’ve seen a wide variety of friends get divorced. Some where great divorces. Others where a nightmare. I had friends that I thought would have easy divorces, because their husbands had been so great over the years, but suddenly their husbands became total jerks. My one friend found out her husband had been cheating on her for years, and asked for a divorce. One would have thought that he would have been thrilled to finally have the door opened and be ab le to be honest. Instead he made it his mission to torture my friend. I still can’t figure out why.
My point, I guess you really don’t know what your going to get, until you embark on the journey. I’ve decided that I would like to have a good divorce, one where you agree amicably on all important things. I have a feeling I am being naive. But I can still hope!
Anyway, please share your stories. Maybe I can use some of your tips to make my journey one that is “a good divorce”. And you can join me on my journey with the ups and downs…